Growing up, I had a great friend who thought everything was "So ROMANTIC!" And as girls, that's so often what we focus on. The romance.
And yet, we forget what MARRIAGE really is. It's hard work. Oh, there's always something nice in hard work. There's the feeling of accomplishment. There's the breeze that comes to cool you in the middle of the work. There's the breaks along the way. There's the company that makes the work easier.
All those things make the work worthwhile, and those are the things that make marriage worth it as well. The company of having your best friend with you always, the breaks in the "good times", the "cool breezes" of dates and time alone, the feelings of accomplishment when you figure out something new about your mate and can better help them.
Here's the part that so many times, we forget. It's still work. And like any job, there is training involved. There is always on the job training. The learning you get simply by doing the job. But there is also other training that we can do for ourselves. One of my good friends says, "There's nothing like learning from experience.... as long as it's someone else's."
And who better to learn from, than the one who created marriage?? If He spent two and a half books in the Old Testament, and five separate passages in the New Testament on teaching women how to be good wives, how in the world do we expect to walk into marriage and just "know what to do"? He wrote the book of Esther about two women who had the same man, yet got opposite responses. He wrote the book of Ruth to show us how to prepare for marriage and win our husband's heart. He wrote half of the book of Proverbs about the way Wisdom (who is astonishingly portrayed as a female) can win a man, and half of the book of Proverbs on the "Simple woman". So many times there are verses in Proverbs that nearly line up side by side as a comparison between the wise and foolish woman. Then in the New Testament, God deals with wives in Colossians, Ephesians, I Timothy, Titus, and I Peter.
So here's the recommendation I have for married women on how to improve their own marraiges. Study! Study like your life depends on it (which in a way, it does)! Study your Bible. Study your mate. Study good books. Study the women you admire. Study to be quiet.
Some of the best marital advice I was ever given was from my mother. She told me,
"SHUT UP!!! Learn that the Holy Spirit can do His job far better than you can, and your big mouth is going to hinder Him much more than help Him." OK, she didn't use those exact words, but that's the gist. It has been the advice that has fixed problems in my marriage far more often than not. I have found over and again that if I try to fix the problem, I usually mess it up worse. If I allow the Holy Spirit to do His job, I see what I want done far sooner than I expected.
I have few ladies in my life whose marriages I truly admire. Few ladies that I wish my marriage were more like theirs. Those are the ones that I tend to listen to more than talking. Little things that they say, how they react, the advice they give.... those are the things I strive to do and be more like.
Books I love are
Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl,
For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn,
Wild at Heart by John Eldredge (it helped me understand my husband better than any book I've ever read),
Captivating by Staci Eldredge (helped me understand me), and
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (which helped me understand how to love my husband). To name a few. *Disclaimer, I do not recommend or believe the entirety of any one of these books, let alone all of these books. As always, my beliefs are based on what I believe the Bible teaches and I learned from these books to the extent of what I could hang on Biblical principles previously established in my mind.*
Many times, I can tell what my Doug is going to do, because I study him. There are still times I fail, which is further proof that I need to study more. But for most of the time, I can predict what my husband is going to do, even down to what he will want for dinner based on the kind of day he has had. I love that. I can slide right in, meet one of his needs before he even realized he had it, then be out of the way so he thinks he thought of it himself. I love doing that!!
So many times we study one or the other of these things, and still fail to study our Bibles. But since God made us, and fashioned us just as we are... doesn't it make sense to look to Him for the answers?? He has laid out the blueprint, established the path, and all he wants to do is use His Word as a light for the way we need to go. God's Word has comforted me in times of distress, yes, even in my marriage. God's Word has told me what to do in times of immense confusion and discouragement, even in my marriage. God has many times led me to the exact verse I need at just the right moment. I have endevored to study the stories, the proverbs, and the instructions He has placed for me, even taking the time to memorize some. I encourage you to do the same.
11 Years and still in love
And what is romance, anyway? Isn't it when our Prince Charming looks at us in the way that makes our insides gooey? These things add up to stoking the fire that makes the goo. :) Because, when I give 100% to my husband, he's sure to see and send the same back to me. How do I know? Because God promised.
I Peter 3:1, "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;" Hold onto HIS promises!!!!
