When Cares are Pressing You Down a Bit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.


Life is queer with its twists and its turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When they might have won, had they stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.


Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit!

So, life has been kicking us around, and we've failed some, but God has been faithful. I refuse to give up or let myself go.
So far, Doug has been promised a permanent job that was taken back two days before he was to start. But God provided a job for him again. We've gotten a check at just the right time to pay for our rent. Now our tags have been taken back, but God has provided a car for the month anyway.  God has been faithful.
There's no way we're quitting on God, since he has yet to give up on us. It's just trusting in the storm. that's the part that's proving a little hard.

But God is Faithful.....

Have you ever felt your world shift upside down?  Like everything you ever thought you knew was just your own imagination?

Ok, I'm not doubting God in any of this, just so no one has a heart attack.  He hasn't failed us yet.  And I know he's not about to now.

Here's what's happening.  In the months since I last posted, we have gone down to the barest of bare minimums trying to keep up with the bills.  We have been off line for a while now, and I'm only on now through the generosity of my parents and my neighbor.  Doug's job is 45 miles away, and the money he makes there barely covers gas and utilities.  My job is paying the bulk bills, but now...

Well, yesterday morning, Doug had a seizure.  When we went to the doctor this morning, he said it doesn't sound like the epileptic kind.  It sounds like a Psychogenic nonepileptic seizure.  It has something to do with stress, and when he passes out, he has a seizure.  It shouldn't be anything serious.  However, for the next two weeks, Doug will not be able to go to work, since he is not supposed to drive or operate heavy machinery until he has an MRI and an EKG done. 

Trusting God through all of this is getting harder.  If I didn't have Him, though, I would probably be stressed out right now.  There are things that are going on that make it feel as though he is a million miles away.  I'm so glad to know that the God on the mountain is still God in the valley.  When things go wrong, He'll make us strong.  And the God in the good times, is still God in the bad times.  The God of the day is still God in the night.

"But God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able."

Family Update

It's been a while since I logged in here to type, so here goes...

We've been working on moving my Mother-in-law into a smaller, more suitable apartment for her now that Dad's gone.  We've gone through all the things in her home, and are selling things at the Flea Mall on Saturday.  She's only been out of her house for a day, and I already miss having her nearby.  I'm thinking of moving into her apartment building.... Not really, since I have a house and all, but I really, REALLY miss her.

Next, Because Mom is selling Dad's tools on Saturday, I've been working on making the boys toddler beds into bunk beds.  I know, crazy, but they turned out pretty nice, if I say so myself!!

I also am working on putting up shelves in the boys room, so I can put up the important stuffed animals, and trophies they earned in tee-ball.  I moved Andrew into the same room with the two little guys so that I could make Andrew's old room into a play/ school room.  As of now, all that is in the "Bed Room" are beds, dressers, and shoes.  The toys are all in the "Play Room".  I like it this way.  Leaves only one room to try to clean up at lunch and bed time.

Homeschool?  Well, I ordered all my books as of yesterday.  I really liked the way that the BJU Math was last year for Aaron and Nate, so I ordered K-5 for Aaron this year, 1st for Nate, and 2nd for Andrew.  I didn't order the tests, or the curriculum, because I noticed last year that they had a "Chapter Checkup" every section that I could use for a test, and I could get the speed drills that I want from online or make them myself.  It was less money that I had to spend, and more that my boys could do with me.   For Phonics/ Language, I went with A Beka.  I think it is the best Phonics curriculums out there!!  And since reading and addition/ subtraction/ multiplication/ division are the base for all else that you learn in school, I want the best!!  I did have to buy the test book for 2nd grade Phonics, but I already had the one for 1st grade, and it can really be taken very easily on paper.   For Reading, I have the A Beka readers that were given to me, and I can't wait for the boys to get into them.  Nate should be reading really well by the end of the school year, and I'm looking forward to seeing him go! 

For Science/ History/ and Health, we are going to be looking up subjects on the internet.  Should prove to be fun.  Gonna try to do some experiments as we go along.

Business, I'm slowly but surely working on my courage.  I really LOVE this business.  I've never in my life been so pushed, stretched and pulled into the shape that would please my Heavenly Father.  I've become a better me, and can't wait to see what else God has for me (although I am a little scared as well).

Lets see, I also have been rearranging the house as I go along, and folding a mound of laundry that is the size of the couch. It's quite depressing, actually.  But, I'm fixing to watch a sweet romantic movie while I fold late into the night.

Oh, and I dyed my hair for the very first time in my life.  It is a light auburn, and it looks pretty nice.  I'm still not used to it, but I like it, and Doug does too, so we'll see.

There's the update.  Busy as always, and tomorrow will be more-so.

The Good Wife

Things that happen are not in our control, but our attitude always is in our control.

Dad Clark went to live with the Lord this last Tuesday,  June 8th, at 5:20 in the morning.   Time since then has both dragged and stalled, if that makes any sense at all. 
It seems like yesterday, I was watching him talk to Momma.  He looked at her, and said, "It's been a good life, right Bridgie?" (See, Dad always called Mom "Bridgette", even though her real name was Dolores, because he said she was prettier than Bridgette Bordeaux, a pin-up girl of their generation).   Mom got all choked up and said, "Yup, it's been pretty good."  He says, "We haven't been too rich, but it was a good life."  She says, "It was a great life!"  I saw tears in his eyes.  This man who never even said "I love you."  This man who for all the time I have known him, has told me 4-5 times that he loved me... two of those were this last week or so.  This man who shocked his son into realizing how close to death he was by saying "I love you." 
He was an amazing man.  Watching my husband grieve for his dad has wrenched my heart in half.  Trying to be there if he needs me, but stay out of his way when he doesn't ... this has been my hardest challenge.  It has been hard to stay close without smothering him.  To give him his space while letting him know I was there if he needed.
Among all this happening, our dryer has also gone out.  It has been a good dryer, given to us 9 years ago for our wedding.  So, since we have no extra money for a dryer right now, and since we have other things that need the money we do have, I went out and invested $25 into a clothesline.  I just had to buy the eye screws and the rope and clothespins, since God made our trees close enough together that we can string lines between them.
And my attitude?  I think God has given me more grace over the last two weeks than I have had in all my life before.  My theme verse has to be either, "My grace is sufficient for thee" from I Corinthians 12, or "Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for him" from Psalm 37.  God has worked so much out, and I'm resting.  Not just about this, but about so much more.  It has been an amazing thing to watch God do the work while I am waiting. 
God has been good, life has been bittersweet, and the future is as promising as my attitude of the moment.  Praying, and waiting, and hoping and watching, and longing for what God has in store.  Ready to look at the future and see it now.

I hold onto the Light

Darkness holds no power when I hold on to the Light. How can I help but worship Him when I discover that immense truth?

 I was reading on a different blog today, and she passed along a devotional that she had read.  It was just what I needed to hear today.  Here I am, stuck in bed, can't go very far, or help to serve my family.  I hurt my back two days ago... I was trying to catch a clock that was falling from the wall.... Not just any clock.... THE clock... The clock that Doug's dad received on his retirement from GM... THE clock that is Doug's inheritance.  I didn't catch it, the glass cover for the clock broke, and I was left with a broken clock and a twisted back from trying to do something nice for my husband.

Needless to say, I was ready to throw a pity party for all of the last two days.  Then, today, actually tonight, when I'm supposed to be sleeping, I find this devotional. She used  Romans 12:1   I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. She went on to talk about when you don't feel like worshiping God.  She shared a story about a time when her son was in the hospital, and things were crashing down around her... no insurance, little hope, and the drunk driver at fault was dead.  She had nothing to thank God for, but she found it in the midst of her trouble.  She presented herself to God in spite of the fact she would rather have blamed him.  She was able to thank Him that He was still in control.  She then made the statement that I started with: "Darkness holds no power while I hold onto the Light."

From that, I draw strength.  My world may feel lost and confused, but He is the Light, and I can depend on His guidance through the frustrating and confusing times I have to face!!!